Happy Easter, people. If you’re avoiding family and creeping on the Internet, your Easter is about to get a lot better because the hilarious Jillian Lorraine wants to talk about being a bed person today. I’m totally a bed person.
There are many kinds of people in this world. Introverts and extroverts. Animals lovers and those who seek therapy after touching a dog’s collar. Bed people and non-bed people.
In general, I fall into the categories of introvert, therapy, and bed people.
Also, yes, “bed people” is a term I just came up with. What are we thinking of it?
I absolutely adore my bed, so much so that while some people name their cars, my trusty old Corolla remains nameless and my bed goes by “The Marshmallow.”
Isn’t she lovely?
The Marshmallow is the first bed that was ever truly “mine.” Before she came into my life I’d had a series of beds, but none I had ever picked out, customized, and generally loved like I love The Marshmallow. I had my growing up bed. I had my college dorm beds (read: pain machines of death). I’ve also had random apartment beds (always frightening, best not to think about those too long).
But The Marshmallow was the first time in my adult life where I needed to buy a bed.
And so I went for the dream.
The marshmallow fluff, whipped topping plus 11 pillows sort of dream. It worked.
And in the process I became a bed person.
A bed person is someone who prefers to do everything in their bed. Eat, sleep, read, write, generally conquer the world—all of these things are best accomplished from the safety and comfort of The Marshmallow.
At least that’s what a bed person would tell you.
And I’m a bed person.
A few months ago, my friend eagerly forwarded me this article about how NASA was paying people $18,000 to live in their beds for 70 days and my initial thought was “DREAM JOB. SIGN ME UP. NO ONE IS MORE QUALIFIED.” Then, of course, I read about it and some of the side effects and requirements, and like most dreams, that one had to die a bitter death with tears.
But for a minute, I thought this bed person thing could really mean something here. Get my life somewhere, if you know what I mean.
About this point in the post you’re probably thinking I’m the laziest, unhealthiest person to ever live. And the truth is, maybe sometimes I can be a bit lazy, but I’m actually a fairly productive individual. I’m finishing up my MFA in Writing for Screen and Television. (So look! I can complete degrees that hold no bearing in the real world!) I have two jobs. I like to go on walks. Sometimes I even socialize like a good 20-something in LA does.
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